“I have nothing left for my husband”, said a mom of a couple of young children, to the understanding nods of some other mothers in the same position. “He comes home from work and I am just drained. Nothing left.”
“Right. I get it. We all get it. But we don’t want to stay there. What can we do?” was my response. This was years ago, but I have spoken with mothers often since then who are in that position. Young children, as beloved as they are, are draining in a particular way. Whether it is their non-stop energy, their non-stop ability to make messes, the constant “why?”s of a three year old, or children who have strong personalities, they can be very tiring.
Being so drained that we are just holding on until our husband walks in the door at supper time is pretty normal. So how do we nurture our marriage relationship? Because it won’t thrive on it’s own. It won’t thrive without attention, communication, and yes, some romance.
The homeschool mom who wants to thrive in this area (and we all should, because a good marriage relationship is necessary for the well-being of parents and children alike) should begin by sharing with her husband the reality of the situation (“I feel so drained and that I have nothing left for you, but I want to”) and enlist his help. Begin by praying about it. Contemplate together what you need in order to have something to give your husband. Is it a nap? A half hour to refresh by reading, sewing, jogging, _____________? A weekly activity that gets you out of the house? The possibilities are endless.
Are you using the resources available to you? A mother, mother-in-law, older homeschooler, someone from your congregation who would like to babysit for you once or twice a week for a couple of hours?
When the kids go to bed, instead of staring at a computer screen or TV, maybe you and your husband can sit side by side on the couch and ask each other “How was your day? What was the hardest thing and best thing?”
Slip a note into your husband’s lunch if he takes one to work – a few loving words go a long way.
Plan a weekly date night. It doesn’t have to be expensive – it could be a long walk, holding hands. If your kids are young and you can’t afford a baby sitter and don’t have a relative longing to look after your children, have a date night at home. But have it. This is not the time to talk about the kids and all your household problems – make that another time.
As you and your husband work on your relationship and put effort into it, you, your husband and your children will all be the better for it. You will thrive.